Most of us sexually active adults have been in this situation before- boy meets girl, one thing leads to another, maybe a few drinks or a little smoking take place…the next thing that both of you know, you two a going at it a little bit... kissing turns to touching…Touching turns to rubbing…Rubbing turns to grinding…She’s into it and you are definitely into it. Grinding turns to dry f-cking…Dry f-cking can get pretty intense. Breasts are being fondled, asses are getting squeezed. It’s getting a little too hot…

Time for the both of you to ask that eternal question…

Guys:” Do I make that move for the panties (without seeming too aggressive)?”

Ladies: “Am I ready to give up the panties (to a guy that I barely know/am not in a relationship with)?”
Many times in this commonplace scenario body language takes over where verbal cues have left off and the heat of the moment burns up the lines of communication between the man and the woman contemplating potentially life-changing moves. At this point the bedroom becomes the playing field and all types of signals are being sent back and forth. How well do you two really know each other signs? You know that she wants it. She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t and neither would you right? She’s a nice girl, but she wants to let out her inner freak. That’s fine with you. But make the wrong move, misread the wrong signal and your ass could end up like your boys Mike Tyson and Kobe Bryant. In a world where women are becoming increasingly more sexually assertive and traditional gender roles where the man takes the p-ssy and the woman gives it up (which made it easier for us to tell the “good girls” from the “bad”) are becoming a thing of the past, and drinking and drugs cloud everybody’s judgment, its time for us all to ponder the question: When does “No” really mean “Yes”?

Back in the day a young man knew that girls that were sexually “liberal” were not the ones you bring home to mother. The good girls waited for the wedding night, gave it up missionary style and did her duty as a wife. Something went haywire in the sixties and seventies and f-cked everything up, the birth control pill. After that little gem came out all hell broke loose and it became a lot harder to tell the good girls from the bad because they both had their skirts up. Women were letting the world know that they were creatures of lust and passion, just like men, and before they made that trip down the alter to sexual boredom they wanted what men had previously been hogging all for themselves- a sexual buffet. The fear of getting preggers and becoming an unwed embarrassment was blown away and girls (good and bad) could get down with whomever they chose without mommy and daddy even having a clue.
But nothing, even something as big as the sexual revolution, could change years of Anglo-Saxon Puritanism and sexual repression overnight, so while the decades of dramatic social change ushered in a new wave of freedom, people were definitely doing it, however, they were still not talking about it. Therefore, we never developed a language or a protocol for expressing our desires to one another and we still struggle with that today. Women had a newfound power that turned traditional gender roles around in the bedroom but outside of that many of the social goals and values promulgated by society continued to prevail. Men still wanted (and still want- so I’m told) ‘a lady in the streets and a freak between the sheets’.  Women also still wanted the whole marriage and family package and bought into society’s views of a lady’s conduct and blah, blah bullsh-t…but arghhh!!! The dilemma is that they wanted to bone also! The solution? The art of the tease.  A lot of women are going to be mad at me for this, telling our business and everything, but it’s for the good of humanity that we stop playing games with each other in and out of bed, getting mad when we don’t like the outcome. Women need to hold themselves and other women accountable for f-cking men’s heads up with this ‘no really means yes’ sh-t because it messes it up for the rest of us sexually confident women. Also, I’m sorry fellas, hate to break it to you but it’s not your gift of gab that “charmed her pants off” (the existence of this phrase being case in point) chances are, its highly likely that woman wanted it too, she just didn’t want to spoil your fun and let you think that your rap was sooo smooth and game sooo tight that she had to give up the panties to you Billy Dee. Or maybe she wanted a relationship and thought relenting to sex before she was ready was the way.  Motivations or misunderstandings aside, this major communication gap is becoming increasingly more serious.

So how do we create a bridge of understanding between the sexes? Ladies, how do we maintain our sense of mystery and allure without seeming easy or loose? Fellas, how can you go for the p-ssy like a man should without getting caught up in some bullsh-t and still come off smooth?

Believe it or not, Kiki Rockstar doesn’t have all the answers but I would like to offer some suggestions:
Only by being mature and sophisticated enough to know that sex is not a children’s game and realized that our decisions have consequences and repercussions can we more clearly see each other. As I said before, women need to be confident in knowing what they want and understand that having sex with a man doesn’t guarantee a relationship, or that even a phone call or a second date will follow. Don’t go to bed with hidden agendas. Be woman enough to call the shots regarding your own body. There is no substitute for verbally (and clearly) articulating that you don’t want to go all the way and physically removing yourself from a compromising situation.

Being a master of the art of the tease, I enjoy the foreplay. Every date doesn’t have to end in bed. Establishing intimacy through going through each sexy stage can be a memorable erotic experience in itself. Discovering your partner’s turn-on’s is something to be savored and enjoyed. I have been known to verbally articulate that as much as a particular man may turn me on and admitting that he certainly may get it one night, but not that particular night, and then, pulling up my g-string, and getting the hell on home and rubbing one out, no apologies or further explanations necessary. Fellas, I offer this wisdom-  being a player is fun, having a lot of ladies is fine, but if you can’t be confident enough to gently place a hand on her cheek, look into her eyes and just before you slide on in, say to her “This is okay, right baby?” and wait until the words “Yes” come out her mouth before you hit, then you yourself might end up getting played.